I haven’t mentioned my dog in awhile. She’s cool. She’s also an 8-year old humongous hound that sleeps approximately 20 hours a day. Not much excitement going on there.

But here’s the thing. The last four nights in a row, has she wanted to go outside before we, the humans who happen to be very tired, go to bed? No. No she has not. Does she want to go outside 10 minutes after we go to bed? Yes. Yes she does.

(Side note – she does this sometimes even after she’s been let outside. This dog is a sleep-interrupting monster.)


This dog is no dummy. Scout knows what irritates me more than anything on the planet – short, repetitive noises. Those types of sounds crawl into my skull and drive me absolutely insane. So is she downstairs, whining to go outside? No. She knows that I will ignore that.


This dog will stand at the bottom of the stairs and shake her collar back and forth. The tags on the collar jingle like a goddamn Christmas Salvation Army worker’s bell.


I just can’t take it. The sound is like an icepick in my skull, and guess what? I end up getting out bed and letting Her Nibs outside.


Scout. A worthy adversary.

She won’t think it’s so funny when I take her collar off tonight before I go to bed.