Okay, so I’m moderately Grinch-y. I don’t get into the Christmas spirit until about…oh, the 23rd. And then I’m ecstatic.

In an effort to get into the Christmas mood this year I helped my mother-in-law put up some holiday decorations. My husband got in on it. This is his idea of tasteful holiday decor.

 
It’s just not Christmas until something is put into a lewd position. (See this post from last Christmas if you don’t believe me.)

Lights for the tree? Just fling ’em on there. There’s also a candle stuck in the branches. High class.

Eventually we got him to cooperate, but it was touch-and-go.

After helping out on Saturday I figured I’d decorate my own house on Sunday. Oy vey. This is an abridged rundown of events:

1.) I LOST PART OF THE TREE!
2.) Nevermind, found it!
3.) THIS TREE IS PATHETIC.
4.) THE SNOWMAN’S NOSE IS BROKEN!
5.) Cripes, we’re supposed to get up to six inches of snow tomorrow!
6.) THIS TREE IS PATHETIC.
7.) FOR FUCK’S SAKE THE BERRIES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE!
8.) THIS TREE IS PATHETIC.

A few years ago I did a post about a holiday centerpiece thingy that you could make on the cheap. As you can see from that post, the berries were absolutely horrifying to work with. If you drop one, it rolls 427 feet before you can catch it, and they’re so tiny that there’s really no chance of dropping just one. You will drop THEM ALL.

I had them in a ziploc bag in the Christmas storage tote, and this happened.

OMG. Seriously, they are everywhere. I finally said to hell with it and decided to make them into a garland. That’ll keep the little *^*^@$&  from rolling everywhere.

Take fishing line or clear bead cord….

…and string ’em up.

Now this looks tedious, but it wasn’t too bad. It would have been faster if I had used a long beading needle instead of a regular sewing needle. After about 1.5 hours, the garland was a lot longer than I thought it was. 

It’s 12-15 feet long. I apparently found it cathartic to impale each of those little foam berries with a needle. To keep the ends secure I tied on buttons. 

After that I gave up on the decorating, and shall finish today. And I’ll wrap presents, and generally be cheerful. Which is unlike me, but I’ll give it a whirl.

See you in a few!

One thought on “A Man Decorates for Christmas and a DIY Berry Garland”

  1. I've spent the past two weeks busily hauling bin after bin of Christmas decorations from the basement, putting up and decorating the Christmas tree, washing windows, cleaning and decorating the house, and hosting sixteen ladies here for a potluck dinner and gift exchange. And not once did it occur to me to place any of the decorations in lewd positions. What is the matter with me?

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