June 29, 2015

In the Woods, Where Everything is Green

It's been a minute since I had a post all ready to go on a Monday, but here we are. Monday. With pictures and some nonsensical rambling. My gift to you.

On Saturday the husband took me out for a ride on the 4-wheeler. Remember that thing? That we got to plow snow? I think we may be the only people in a 400 mile radius that put more miles on the thing in the winter than during the warmer months, but we're working on it. 

EVERYTHING'S SO GREEEEN! (Name that movie.) This time of year is aggressively green in these parts.

Only about half of the pictures I took were usable. Attempting to snap a few pictures while bumping along on the back of an ATV, with a driver with a jumpy thumb on the throttle, is not simple. There were railroad track pictures - blurry. A picture in the woods, with branches overhanging the trail - blurry.

Those were also the branches my husband had the good sense to duck from, and I instead took a picture of them right before they smacked me in the face. 


But we got the machine a little dusty, finally, and only collected two wood ticks in the bargain.

Not a bad day.

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June 26, 2015

Can We Talk About Mommie Dearest?

When I have PMS, I cannot be trusted to make my own life decisions. PMS leads me to things like making a pair of cutoff jeans, which I should never, ever do. Or cutting my hair, or doing a number of other stupid things. Last night it led me to make late night french fries and watch Mommie Dearest

Which I do not regret at all. AT ALL. 

So I know it's about child abuse, it may or may not be a complete crock of shit, and it's way over the top. But can we just take a moment to admire how (unintentionally) hilarious and amazing this movie is?


The huge pink shower. With three heads. Shut up. 

The never-ending walk-in closet. 

This movie is full of gems. Holy crap. (I hadn't seen this movie since I was a kid, and the only thing I remembered was the wire hanger scene, because who in the world could forget that.) The scene right in the beginning when she's scrubbing the floor in high heels. The hair. The clothes. 

And it has also given us this set of GIFs. 

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Get it, Faye Dunaway. 

I would also like to mention that this movie apparently had some sort of impact on my young life when I watched it the first time around, because do you know what you will not find in my house? Anywhere?

Wire hangers.

Have a good weekend!

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June 23, 2015

In My Makeup Bag: Nudes and Highlights

Last night we ripped the carpet out of a bedroom and installed a magnetic knife bar in the kitchen that ended up being about as magnetic as a french fry. So let's do fun stuff today, eh? These are the makeup products I've been loving lately. 

That's a motley assortment. 

Okay, so the first thing is weird. I have used makeup primers in the past that don't seem to do much of anything, and then NikkieTutorials mentioned that Nivea for Men Aftershave Balm is the best primer she's ever used. (And if she says it, then it must be true.) And holy crap, people. This stuff smells like a locker room, but it makes your makeup stick to your face like glue, makes foundation apply more smoothly, and makes pores look smaller. 

'TIS WITCHCRAFT. All for a fiver.

Last week's post about flash photography had me mentioning my highlight. This is what I use to get it. Apply it to your cheekbones and blind your enemies. (Seriously though, check out that highlight.) Physician's Formula Shimmer Strips in Riviera Strip.

L'Oreal Miss Manga is the best mascara I've tried in awhile. It's not the best, but then I take my mascara very seriously. When you have long, straight eyelashes that need fifty minutes of curling just to get them to bend a little, you'll take it seriously too. The best mascara that I can think of is Max Factor 2000 Calorie, and OH MY GOD YOU CAN GET IT ON AMAZON. Holy crap, I didn't think you could still buy it. *Throws fiscal responsibility out the window.*

The L'Oreal La Palette in Nude 1 is wonderful. The shadows are huge, blend beautifully, and the thing costs less than $20. Win-win. 

My sister and I have waxed poetic about that damned Max Factor mascara ever since they stopped selling it in stores like 8 years ago. This is like when Indy found the grail, I'm telling you. 

Go forth and highlight.

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June 19, 2015

Fun with Flash Photography

90% of the time I hate it when people use flash. I hate it. It's horrible, blinding, and really, you are not doing yourself any favors. 

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Then you get into things like fill flash and a million other things that I don't understand, and suddenly flash is lookin' pretty good. Because I don't know what I'm doing, I keep it simple. 

No flash. Natural light in front of a window. This looks fine, and is representative of 99.9% of the photos on this blog.


There are some goofy reflections in my glasses (and in the mirror behind me) but my skin tone looks much more true to life. I glow in the dark in real life, dontcha know.

With a flash, you can do something very Terry Richardson-esque, minus the sexual predator thing.

This next one is a leeeetle bright, but I like it anyway.

It makes your hair shiny and your skin glow.

You can totally capture the highlight you put on your face, which in real life is bright enough to blind a small Tibetan village, but just wasn't coming across without a light aimed right at it. (More on the highlight next week.)

LOOK AT THAT HIGHLIGHT. Cheekbones forever.

How is this magic possible!? I use a speedlight. This one needs to be replaced, as it apparently sends enough voltage through your camera to paralyze a wildebeest, but it's what I used for these pictures. 

Do I aim the flash at my face? No I do not.

If you have white ceilings (which I do) you can aim it at the ceiling, or at a white/pale colored wall above your head, and the light will bounce down around you. The bulb on a speedlight can be aimed anywhere from 0 to 90 degrees, so the world is your oyster, son.

This is why you don't aim the thing at your face.

Super attractive blast of light, right in the face. Everything is washed out. Not cool.

I think one of the biggest culprits behind crappy flash photography is people using their camera's built-in flash, and for the most part, they just aren't that good.

Would you like an example? I'm going to give you one, but I just took these pictures and I'm still seeing orbs of light behind my eyes. Sweet lawd. This thing makes the speedlight look like a candle flame.

The camera's built-in flash. Here we go. 

Yikes. I tried to keep my eyes all the way open, but they aren't dumb enough to endure that onslaught.

My reaction, taken immediately afterwards?

Not cool. They aren't the worst pictures in the world, but that flash is just crazy intense. You can get a diffuser for it, but I think a speedlight or other unit that attaches to the hotshoe on a camera is a lot more versatile, and doesn't give such crazy blasts of light mixed with such harsh shadows.

And those are my thoughts on flash photography.

Have a good weekend!

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June 17, 2015

Life According to Twitter

Last week. Recapped, for your pleasure.

The last few weeks have been crazy busy, and gawd twitter is easy. A quick plunk on a touchscreen and a thought is zipped out into the world, and that's that. 

Unlike writing a blog post, which is an easy thing that can sometimes be annoyingly difficult, with all the thinking-of-the-words thing and the picture-uploading thing. Personally, I think all the paint has fried what few brain cells I had left. This afternoon I painted the kitchen ceiling, and would you like to know how easy it is to paint a deeply textured ceiling? Hmmm? It's about as easy as gluing a frigging spoonful of pudding to the wall.

So. A few more weeks of house craziness, and then hopefully it will be done. Finished. Finito. And I can go back to frolicking through fields of daisies. But in the meantime....I'm always on twitter.

Over and out.

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